Mother's Day

What a special day this was last year. I had 2 children then. Still do, but one is no longer here with us. I cannot hold her in my arms. But I cannot say that the day is not special either, my husband and son have gone to such trouble to make it special for me. So it is special, just in a different way. My son made me a card on the computer, from him, his dad and his sister. He also chose the gifts himself including a locket on a keyring with space for photos. He also gave me a picture which he coloured in which I know took a lot off effort as he does not finish things easily (that is the topic of another day's discussion). And we are going to the Moscow circus this afternoon, which took a lot out of Gathry, not because he does not like the circus, or that it was so expensive, but because he believes it is a bit of a ripoff at that price, plus he is missing the Grand Prix!

So I want to say, my darling Kendra, this is a special day but would be so much more special if you were here with us. I have really been missing you a lot these last few days. A lot.

I took Branston to the doctor the other day and when we were paying, there was a lady in the waiting room holding a baby. It must have been about a month old. I so badly wanted to hold that baby, I think she must have thought I was a bit strange as I kept looking at the baby. Strange that seeing other babies did not seem to bother me too much before, now, just as I thought I was having lots of good days, I find myself looking at babies all the time and feeling really sad. I suppose it is part of the cycle of grieving but damn, it is hard.

I also want to say happy mother's day to my mom and Gathry's mom, who no longer have mothers to phone today but I know that Kendra is with both her great grandmothers, keeping them company so none of them are alone today. I also want to say happy mother's day to Tammy who has been through a really rough time lately with Connor in and out of hospital. I am thinking of you, my friend, and am sorry I have not been able to help you much but am a bit of a basket case myself. I am also thinking of all the other moms out there who have lost their little ones. I know exactly how hard it is, but we have to get through it for the sake of those others who love and depend on us. Anyhow, time to dry my tears and go to the circus.