Tuesday, April 22, 2008

3 years old

Well, it is with mixed feelings that we approach Kendra's 3rd birthday. I cannot believe she would have been 3 tomorrow.
How often I wonder what she would have looked like. Would her hair have stayed blonde? Maybe it would have darkened a little like her brother's.
More importantly how would she have developed? Would she have sat or walked before 2?
At 3 would she still be crawling or would she be running already? Would there be any words?

These are things that nobody can answer. That really gets to me. Others who have lost their babies would at least have some idea of what their children would be doing at 3. I am certainly not saying they are any better off than me. Nobody who has lost a child is better off than anyone else who has lost one, regardless of when or how they died. Would it be harder though, for me to look at another 3 year old and think that Kendra would be doing that now? Or is it harder to not know? I guess we can't answer that.

All I know is I miss my baby and no matter what she would have been doing at 3, I really wish she were here. I wish I had to make plans for 2 children instead of one. I wish Branston had a sister he could sometimes complain about and fight with, as all siblings do. When I see Branston with little girls or boys younger than him and how good he is at playing with them, that makes me so sad. He would make a really great older brother.

Happy birthday my little angel. Mommy, Daddy, Branston and Oupa will go out to the memorial park tomorrow and take you some birthday cake. I will even break my diet and have some of your cake! We miss you, baby.

PS: if you can, please go to the March for Babies on the right and sponsor Billy when she walks to raise money for preemies.
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