Tuesday, April 22, 2008

3 years old

Well, it is with mixed feelings that we approach Kendra's 3rd birthday. I cannot believe she would have been 3 tomorrow.
How often I wonder what she would have looked like. Would her hair have stayed blonde? Maybe it would have darkened a little like her brother's.
More importantly how would she have developed? Would she have sat or walked before 2?
At 3 would she still be crawling or would she be running already? Would there be any words?

These are things that nobody can answer. That really gets to me. Others who have lost their babies would at least have some idea of what their children would be doing at 3. I am certainly not saying they are any better off than me. Nobody who has lost a child is better off than anyone else who has lost one, regardless of when or how they died. Would it be harder though, for me to look at another 3 year old and think that Kendra would be doing that now? Or is it harder to not know? I guess we can't answer that.

All I know is I miss my baby and no matter what she would have been doing at 3, I really wish she were here. I wish I had to make plans for 2 children instead of one. I wish Branston had a sister he could sometimes complain about and fight with, as all siblings do. When I see Branston with little girls or boys younger than him and how good he is at playing with them, that makes me so sad. He would make a really great older brother.

Happy birthday my little angel. Mommy, Daddy, Branston and Oupa will go out to the memorial park tomorrow and take you some birthday cake. I will even break my diet and have some of your cake! We miss you, baby.

PS: if you can, please go to the March for Babies on the right and sponsor Billy when she walks to raise money for preemies.


Anonymous said...

Hi Vanessa
My thoughts are with you today.
I woke up this morning thinking the same thing, she would have been three today, and what type of little person would she have been today. Happy Birthday Kendra,love Annie, Vangie & Raichelle

Lucy said...

Happy Birthday Kendra! I hope you are enjoying your party with the other little Angels. We think of you often and know that you are always watching over Mom, Dad and Branston. Lots of love and big hugs, Lucy, Mike, Jordan, Morgan & Chad XX

Rosepetal said...

Happy 3rd birthday Kendra. You're missed so much. Thinking of you Vannessa.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Kendra!
Thinking of you all.


Steffi said...

Happy Birthday Kendra!

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