Other babies

I have held exactly 3 other babies since Kendra. It was not as hard as I thought it might be, perhaps because they were very unlike her.

First was darling Connor who is 2 years old but is also a 'Holland' baby like Kendra. He has Mytochondrial disorder which leaves him very much like a newborn. But he has a wonderful smile, a real little charmer. Holding him was very different to holding Kendra as he is much bigger but less advanced ito gross motor skills.

Then on Saturday I held little Stephanie, a 4 week old baby. She is obviously much smaller than Kendra and still very much a 'new' baby. Not so difficult.

Then yesterday I held little Peter, a 19 month old boy. First thing he did when I took him was put his arms around me, his head on my shoulder and give me some lovies. Almost like he could sense I needed it. He has never done that to me before. That gave me a bit of a moment and it was so lovely to just cuddle him for a bit. But it was still not like holding Kendra therefore was not as painful as I thought it might be. If I held Kendra like that I would probably have been bitten for my troubles!

Of course it doesn't matter how many babies I hold, none of them will ever be like Kendra. Some people might say I shouldn't try and hold my friend's babies as I am opening myself up to pain. Some might say it could be therapeutic. I don't know. I just don't want my friends to feel uncomfortable having their babies around me. Yes, sometimes it hurts a lot when they unwittingly make comments about being kept up all night or the like. But I also don't want them to start having to think twice about what they say to me in case it hurts. These are things I have to go through sooner or later.