Monday, April 24, 2006

1 month and counting

It has been exactly 1 month since our Kendra left us. I think I may need a sleeping tablet tonight. A month ago at this time I was sitting in the hospital holding my baby for the last time and wondering how I was going to tell her brother that his little sister was gone. Hard to believe how much one can go through in a month.

Yesterday was not too bad. We did some shopping, cleaned the house, went to the memorial park and had some friends over afterwards. I just want to say thank you to those who joined us at the park and to everyone who came around afterwards, even if only for a while. Your love and support mean a great deal.

We changed our room around last week and took down the cot. It was hard. I still have not packed away all her clothes and other things like medicines and nappies etc. I suppose I should sometime, maybe this weekend. I also have to sort out photos to print and enlarge. Can you believe I don't have any framed pictures of Kendra. I kept meaning to get around to it and never did. One thing I am glad that I did, and only a few weeks before she left us, was have Gathry take some nice black and white photos of Kendra and I. They are not digital but I will try and scan them in, there is one very nice one which I want to frame. I do not actually have many photos of her and I or of her and Gathry, more of her and Branston. Mostly we took pictures of her on her own, especially smiling ones.

Someone said something interesting to me the other day. If you lose a spouse you are a widow or widower. If you lose your parents you are an orphan. What do you call parents who lose a child or children?

I am rambling now. I have to get up early tomorrow so I should try and get some sleep.
I miss her so much.


Nobs said...

Hi V!
Gee, you are so brave! I don't know if I would be able to do what you do and cope as well.

I left a new post today (am turning out to be a very bad blogger, as with anything that requires discipline of any kind!).

I still think of you every day, and wish there was some way I could help. Did you create a scrapbook of Kendra or is that a bit too arty-crafty for you?

One thing that hit me today as I read your post, was how lonely your grief must be. If you loose a spouse, your friends and children sympathise with you and miss the person as well. If you loose your parents, you also have other family members and their friends who grieve for them. When you loose a child, you are one of the few people who really knew her, and therefore you are probably more alone in your grief.

Thinking of you

Cath said...

thinking of you V.


Tertia said...

Sending you lots of love.


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