Update

My friend Lucy has updated her blog with her story and some pictures. Have your tissues handy before you go and read her update. I still get all teary-eyed when I go back there. Lucy left a comment on my last post as a reply to everyone who had commented here. She asked me to post her response.


Hi Vannessa, thanks so much for all your posts and prayer requests and for your support. You are truly a gem and a pillar of strength. I can only admire you!
I feel much better now that I've managed to update our blog with our story and now that I've had a chance to read your posts.Thanks to everyone for their comments and encouraging words.There are a few points that I would like to mention re some of the topics and comments posted...

(1) There is no right or wrong answer ... and what works for one does not necessarily work for another so please accept the below as my opinion only and it's just what worked for us.

(2) At 1st when I heard about the www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org blog and objective of taking photo's of stillborns I was a bit sceptical but I can see how this works as the pictures here are gorgeous as the babies appear to be sleeping.
However, my humble opinion of this is that it is only appropriate depending on how old your stillborn was e.g. when they are so little they may not look normal or in a natural sleep state and I wouldn't necessarily then want a picture of my stillborn. I would rather remember them as being a perfect little angel instead of perhaps having a last memory of their 'imperfections' so to speak.
We chose not to see our little stillborn twin girl who weighed less than 200g and we have no regrets. We remember her as our perfect little angel.
We do have a few pictures of her brother who was born weighing 400g but he was born alive and these are treasured pictures.

(3) Pre-eclampsia is a very serious condition which can be frustrating as one doesn't necessarily feel sick. It's quite scary now to think that I could have died! One tends to get lost in the thoughts and discussion of stillborns and keeping your baby alive but without your life even if the baby makes it, you're leaving them without a mommy... so please listen to your doctors.

(4) Luckily for us we had the chance of saving one of our babies (even if it was only for a brief period) and the way to do that was with a Cesarian section. However, if both the twins had died before birth and although the doctors would have suggested a natural / vaginal birth in this case, then I would have still had the choice of the Cesarian route and this is what I would have chosen. The recovery for a Cesarian is pretty quick nowadays and for me it would have been much less traumatic to do this than have to deliver the 2 stillborns vaginally. Just thought I would offer my opinion as I see others differ with their comments re this topic.

(5) To be pregnant and to be able to carry full term and give birth to a live and well baby is truly a blessing and a miracle. Please do not take this for granted.

I must say I agree with Lucy. Everyone has to do what is best for them and what is best for one person is not necessarily the best for another. I must say I did push a bit for them to see the babies, whether they were stillborn or not, as I did not want them to regret not seeing them. But ultimately the decision was theirs and I am glad that they are happy with what they chose (if 'glad' and 'happy' are appropriate words at the moment, maybe 'at peace' is better). I am also 'glad' that the hospital kept the little girl's body so that she could in the end be cremated alongside her brother. Now both little angels will be together forever. They are going to be laid to rest in Durbanville Memorial Park which is where my little Kendra is, so they will be close to her as well.