Monday, September 04, 2006

How is your baby?

How does one answer this question? How is your baby? Someone asked me this at a party this weekend. Obviously someone who does not know us very well. We see them every few months over dinner with lots of other people and talk is always general, not of a personal nature. I did not even know that they knew I had a baby. It knocked the wind right out of my sails. "Well, um, well, MY baby? My daughter you mean? Um, well you obviously don't know. Um, she died in March this year. 5 months ago. Umm........ yeah.' I have gone past the use of the phrase 'passed away'. Why should I try and make it sound any different than it is. She died. Deal with it. We have to every day.

Anyway, that was a bit of a conversation stopper. Although the others in the group I was standing in kind of covered up quite well with slightly high pitched light chatter, trying to cover up an awkward silence. I felt quite sorry for her, she did not know and why should she? But that is the kind of thing that gets to you, these things that hit you out of the blue, when you are trying to just have a bit of a good time for a change.

Also at this party was someone else who had a baby a week before I had Kendra. Her baby was there too, being ultra cute and walking around all over the show. Also quite tough. I am pretty sure that Kendra would not have been walking yet or even sitting for that matter. So it is difficult to look at another baby girl of the same age, yet maybe not as difficult as it might have been if I thought that Kendra could have been there playing with her, running around. We don't know what she would have been doing at 16 months. Will never know.

Spare a thought for baby Joseph's family. They are going through a tough time at the moment and I think of them a lot. My heart aches for Carole and the whole family.

Also some belated birthdays. I did not wish Rathla happy birthday because they do not have a computer at home so I doubt they will ever get to read this but anyway, someone can print it for him..... HAPPY BIRTHDAY RATHLA!!!!!!

Happy birthday Joanne for the other day. I hope you had a great day. Sorry a bit late.


Anonymous said...

Always thinking of you. It must have been incredibly tough and quite a shock to answer that question......very tough on the person that asked it too.
It is tough to think of our children and how old they would have been, or would they be doing this or that. I had a miscarriage 15 years ago, a little girl that I gave birth to, and a friend of mine who was pregnant at the time had a successful pregnancy, and I too, look to her son and wonder about my daughter and how different my life would have been.
Kendra lives on in our hearts, a bright shining star and that's what I remember and cherish.
love and hugs

Emma's Mum said...

I am sorry you had to answer that question. I feel like I am living in fear of people asking me too. When someone asked me that recently, I almost threw up and burst into tears at the same time, so I can really relate to how you feel. The "passing away" phrase is not something I can use either. Yes, our daughter's spirit passed away from us, -- but she died and that is the sad truth. And it is so hard to say. I think you gave a brave and honest answer -- I am just sorry that it had to mess up your night of trying to have fun. You are so brave and strong......I never believe that when people say that to me, but I really do feel that way about you!

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