Friday, January 16, 2009

It's a what????

Well, long time no post. I suppose it is a good thing that I do not have a lot to post about. I think my feeling is that I have pretty much said all there is to say about my feelings of grief at losing a child. They have not gone away, they are ever present, just not so acute. I still cry whenever I see someone on TV being told that their loved one (be it a child, spouse whatever but especially a child) has died. There was an episode on CSI the other day where the CSI agent had to tell the mother that her son had been shot dead. OMG, 'snot en trane' (snot and tears for non S. Africans)! Had to fast forward through that section.

Moving along, so what do I have to post about now, you ask? Well, if you haven't guessed by now from the pic below, then I don't know! Ok, let me give you the juicy details. I am now almost 10 weeks pregnant. And no, it was not planned. I won't go into the details but it was a bit of a slipup and miscalculation on our side.

Once we got over the initial shock of finding out I was pregnant we had to deal with another. It might be twins! I went for an early scan due to my history and it showed a definite 2 sacs though 1 was much smaller than the other. The doc said this could be due to the fact that they were conceived at different times or else the smaller one was being reabsorbed. We had to wait 2 weeks over Christmas and New year to find out that it is only one. Obviously it was the second scenario.

I have found it quite difficult to tell my friends who have been struggling to conceive about the pregnancy as I know it must be hard for them to hear of 'accidents' when they are struggling. If they, or anyone else out there in the blogosphere, feel hurt by this news then I do apologise and I do try not to go on about it.

The dominant feelings I am having at the moment about this pregnancy is that I am scared. Not only scared that something will go wrong during the pregnancy but also afterwards. I think we will be on tenterhooks for the first 11 months of this baby's life. But it is still early days and for now we just have to get through the next few weeks, then the next few and so on. Lots of mixed feelings going on about getting all the recommended tests etc.

None of this is helped by the fact that I have developed high blood pressure. At my last appointment my BP was extremely high. I have been put on medication and have been on bedrest for the last week and a half. It seems to have stabilised now, thank goodness. I was having visions of having to be admitted and terminating the pregnancy and all sorts. I have a BP monitor so can keep track of it from home now. Bad news is that the high BP is probably going to stick around after the pregnancy and I may have to take medication forever.

Other than that I have been having quite bad morning/all day sickness and my hands and feet are already starting to swell up. I also suffer from restless feet during pregnancy but usually only near the end. Well it started a few weeks ago already and I am really battling to sleep at night, getting up at all hours to put my feet under the cold tap and putting cream on etc. In other words this pregnancy is really kicking my butt!!

I am thinking of starting a new blog to keep track of pregnancy and life afterwards but think I will wait to do that until after 12 weeks.


Michelle said...

Hi Vannessa

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Here's to wishing you a healthy, worry free and happy 7 months ahead.

Lots of love

Catherine said...

wow! congratulations!

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Congrats to you on this new little life growing inside you. I was told by one of my medical specialists... the sicker you feel - the healthier the baby. a way to get you thru those yucky days. I completely understand the thoughts around how other people must feel - I have been there myself but as I grow older, I think you need to celebrate the things that life sends your way so enjoy every moment. Love Cathy PS had a feeling this was your news!!!!

Lucy said...

Very big congrats! Now that you have the BP under control, hope the rest of the pregnancy is stress free. Lovies, Me XX

Heather said...

I don't know if i ever commented, but I having been reading for a few years now. I am so happy for you. We are having our own suprise/blessing baby, and really, after the initial "oh no", it is so wonderful to feel like this little person was meant to e because I had nothing to do with planning him/her :o)So happy for you !!!

Anonymous said...

Very, very happy for you. Told you there was another little soul waiting for you :o) K

Anonymous said...

Hi Vannessa - very exciting news - congratulations to you and Gathry (and Branston).
Love Rochelle and Henry

Clarissa said...

We're so thrilled for you!!! Remember to lean on us if you need a hand with over doing it.
Our best wishes for a happy, healthy full term pregnancy!
Lots of love,
Clarissa & Carl xxx

Anonymous said...

Hey!!!! you make me cry...i am so happy for you and Gathry. you are carrying another little angel with you now, how very special, one in your heart and one in your tummy. We love you very much. Ian and the vdV's

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS (shit I have typed that a lot today lol)
I hope the next 6 or so months are nice and boring!


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