Wednesday, March 24, 2010

4 years

4 years ago today my world came crashing down. It is hard to believe that 4 years have passed. Sometimes it feels really fresh in my mind, other times more bearable. Time does ease the pain but it never takes it away.

A lot of people have asked me if having another baby has helped or made things worse. There is no simple answer to that. It brings back a lot of memories which often makes one sad but sometimes it is nice to remember something that you had forgotten and may not have remembered otherwise. You cannot help but compare Kendra and Mitchell. Obviously Mitchell is already more advanced than Kendra ever was. It kind of highlights the fact that she was so delayed. Anyway, I had quite a bit I wanted to say on the topic but my mind seems to have gone blank. It seems like my blog has done it's job and helped me along the path of healing but now I just don't know how to write down my feelings anymore. Maybe I no longer need it like I did back then. Maybe my creative juices have dried up. I haven't scrapbooked in ages either.

I dreamt last night that Kendra was in a horrible cemetery and someone was telling me that we could have her removed and taken somewhere nicer. It took me a while after I woke up to remember that she was already somewhere very nice. We will go there this afternoon. Hopefully it doesn't rain.


Anonymous said...

Remembering you today on the anniversay of Kendra's passings.

with love

Clarissa said...

Thinking of you and your family today...
With much love,
Clarissa, Carl & Peyton xxx

Lucy said...

We will always remember Kendra and her gentle nature. Think of her and you guys often. Lots of love, L x

Anonymous said...

I really am so very sorry for your loss. I have lost 4 babies in my first trimester, but I believe that my grief is not as intense as yours.

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