Thursday, October 12, 2006

Happy Birthday Branston

A big Happy Birthday to big brother Branston from Kendra.

Branston thoroughly enjoyed his birthday weekend. He had a party on a farm with pony rides, quad bike rides and tractor rides. The theme was Pirates and all the kids dressed accordingly. Then he had 3 boys for a sleepover on Saturday night. Well, don't think I'll be doing that again in a hurry! I have created a blog for Branston which is his very own - I will be posting some photos of the birthday party there soon. I have been thinking that I need to focus on the present and future and stop thinking about the past and what could have been. Easier said than done, I know. And that does not mean that I want to forget about Kendra and that period of my life, but I cannot allow myself to dwell on it in a negative way or I will go mad.

One of the moms at Branston's party who I did not know said to me that she remembered me from some school do, I have a baby don't I? So I said 'Had a baby' but of course she did not get it and proceeded to ask how old the baby was. I think she thought I meant that she was older now and no longer a baby, so of course I had to tell her. I think she felt worse than I did. It didn't seem to upset me as much this time. I think I have been practising telling people in my head so that I don't get caught off guard and can tell them more easily.

I am busy sorting out the links on the right. Stay tuned for more blogs to be added.

I just want to thank those who have left comments to my postings. I really do appreciate the support and it all helps, especially during a bad patch. Special thanks to Susan from VA. Thank you for still reading my blog. I think that reading what someone else is feeling who has been through the same thing often helps us to work through how we are feeling. I often read blogs of moms who have lost babies. Sometimes it makes me sad, other times I feel better. And whether the baby died at or before birth or later on, those feelings are all the same. Some of us are lucky enough to have more memories of our little angels and I have wondered if that makes it easier or harder to deal with, but the answer I think is that nothing makes it easier. All of our experiences are unique yet the same.

Kendra now has a bench! I ordered a bench to be put by her grave so that we can sit there more comfortably when we visit. I have ordered a plaque to go on the bench. I will post photos once it is done.


Arlene Addison (SAP) said...

Hi Vannessa

Thanks for your blog. I recently miscarried at 3 months,and having waited for so long to become pregant was rather devastated - until I read about Kendra. What you and she have had to go through put everything into perspective for me.

How handsome is Brandston! I know you must feel done in most of the time but always remember how precious Brandston is - treasure that little man with all your heart.

Anonymous said...

hi there

i tired to send branston a message on his site but it won't allow it, but anyway.
happy birthday glad to hear you had a wonderful day.
love joanne, uncle peter, vangie and raichelle

Anonymous said...

Very pleased to know about the bench for Kendra, Amber and I intend to try it out in person verrrrry soon.
As for the pic of Branston, it's delightful, also tried to post a comment but it didn't don't go thinkin' we ain't carin', coz there's no comments there, coz honey, we dooooooooo.
kerry :-)
You're such a brave person, keep on, keeping on, one step at a time.

suzanne said...

I check in often to see how you are doing. I don't comment as often as I should. Please knwo someone in CT, USA thinks about you and Kendra (and Branston, too). Great pics from his party.

Lucy said...

Hi, I heard 'The Rose' by Westlife on KFM this morning. It reminded me so much of Kendra - the song is as beautiful as she is. Although we don't talk about her often, she is always in our thoughts. Stay strong, Me XX

Tony said...

Hang in there VM! I sitll read your blog, have just been away for 2 weeks though!

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