Fixed

I have fixed the comments and posted some photos of Branston's birthday on his blog. Thanks to those who let me know the comments were not working.

Happy Birthday Branston

A big Happy Birthday to big brother Branston from Kendra.

Branston thoroughly enjoyed his birthday weekend. He had a party on a farm with pony rides, quad bike rides and tractor rides. The theme was Pirates and all the kids dressed accordingly. Then he had 3 boys for a sleepover on Saturday night. Well, don't think I'll be doing that again in a hurry! I have created a blog for Branston which is his very own - www.branstonmeiring.blogspot.com. I will be posting some photos of the birthday party there soon. I have been thinking that I need to focus on the present and future and stop thinking about the past and what could have been. Easier said than done, I know. And that does not mean that I want to forget about Kendra and that period of my life, but I cannot allow myself to dwell on it in a negative way or I will go mad.

One of the moms at Branston's party who I did not know said to me that she remembered me from some school do, I have a baby don't I? So I said 'Had a baby' but of course she did not get it and proceeded to ask how old the baby was. I think she thought I meant that she was older now and no longer a baby, so of course I had to tell her. I think she felt worse than I did. It didn't seem to upset me as much this time. I think I have been practising telling people in my head so that I don't get caught off guard and can tell them more easily.

I am busy sorting out the links on the right. Stay tuned for more blogs to be added.

I just want to thank those who have left comments to my postings. I really do appreciate the support and it all helps, especially during a bad patch. Special thanks to Susan from VA. Thank you for still reading my blog. I think that reading what someone else is feeling who has been through the same thing often helps us to work through how we are feeling. I often read blogs of moms who have lost babies. Sometimes it makes me sad, other times I feel better. And whether the baby died at or before birth or later on, those feelings are all the same. Some of us are lucky enough to have more memories of our little angels and I have wondered if that makes it easier or harder to deal with, but the answer I think is that nothing makes it easier. All of our experiences are unique yet the same.

Kendra now has a bench! I ordered a bench to be put by her grave so that we can sit there more comfortably when we visit. I have ordered a plaque to go on the bench. I will post photos once it is done.

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I am sorry for not doing any postings lately but I have nothing. I am empty. I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. Been going through a bit of a bad patch lately. Will probably write about it sometime but not right now.

It is Branston's birthday on Monday and he is having a Pirates of the Caribbean themed party tomorrow. He is so excited. We were going to have it at home but decided not to since the house needs some fixing up. I am glad we made that decision as last year's party was at home and Kendra was there so maybe it will be better elsewhere.