September

Wow, I can't believe September is almost over already. Christmas is just around the corner and then it will be 2009 and heading for 3 year anniversary of Kendra's death. Time goes on and it gets easier to talk about her. I usually find though that most times it is me who brings her into a conversation. I think people are still scared of upsetting me by mentioning her. Though you do get those who either don't think about it or think we are 'over it' or feel that we can handle it now.

And they would be right in some respects. We will never ever be 'over it'. You don't ever fully recover from losing your child, whether they were stillborn or died as an older child or an adult. Different types of pain but still the same. But I do feel better able to talk about her now in casual conversation. And I want to. I need to feel that she was there and made a difference. I had 2 children and people must acknowledge that. I must say that amongst my friends if I do talk about her now, there aren't uncomfortable silences like there may have been earlier. People don't turn on their 'shame, so sorry for you' faces. It is just part of the conversation. Which is nice. Not to say that I want everyone to suddenly talk about her all the time!! Tricky, dealing with bereaved parents, isn't it? I don't even feel like I get it right with my friends who have lost little ones all the time. And I should know how they feel and what they need, right? Well, no, not necessarily. Not everyone grieves in the same way and what is right for one may not be right for another. But I think the important thing for all grieving parents is that people acknowledge their loss.

Last night I was holding little Ethan while his mommy made him a bottle. He is just over 1 and is the most beautiful little boy. I must ask his mommy if I can post a pic of him and his gorgeous brother. Anyway, he cuddled into my shoulder and that really made me miss those days. Not only with Kendra as she wasn't much of a cuddler but with Branston. Gathry, best you go for the snip quickly as I am getting a bit broody here!! I have many thoughts on having another baby but what it boils down to is that logic says we should not have another (many reasons)and we have decided not to but the heart still longs for it.

Anyway, you can tell I haven't blogged in a while from all the rambling:) What I came on here to say before September is over is that I have been thinking about little Chad and Morgan a lot in this month, their birthday and angel day anniversay month. L, M and J, I have been thinking of you all, and I know you haven't been showing it much, it must have been a hard month for you all, especially with Mike being away the whole month. I hope Chad and Morgan and Kendra and little Jack (another friend's baby) have been partying it up along with all the other little babies up in heaven.

Oh, and thank you to those who left condolences for my gran's passing. It was appreciated.